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The Nerd Notes: This Entrepreneurship shit is HARD but I choose it

Today I wanted to quit, this entrepreneurship shit is hard beloved.  I have started down this path before, I would say 8 years ago. Back then I had a voracious appetite for success and a deep desire to prove myself; as a woman, as a hustler, as a business person.

I was relentless, vicious and unapologetic. I was brutally and often times rudely honest with the clients I worked with, but I was good, I got the job done. Life sucker punched me multiple ways back then and I have never been the same. So now here I am, home from my corporate job battling for stable ground with my mental illness and mood disorder diagnoses, and trying to figure out who the fuck I am, what I am good at and what I am supposed to be doing as an adult.

One would think that this would not be the most optimum of times to take a leap into the tumultuous unknown that is entrepreneurship. Get better, go back to your stable and very safe corporate role Yoshi, the stability will help you get better. Except I have learned by internal and external organizational changes in the business world, that there is no stability in being an employee, not whilst someone else dictates your viability and your necessity.

You see as an employee, someone else determines the value of your work, the benefits you can invest into and the necessity of your role. As quickly as your role is created, so too can it be outsourced or simply be made redundant. Most North Americans live on the sword’s edge; paycheck to paycheck, banking on the stability of their role as employees. Soaring lending debt, extravagant lifestyle demands driven by traditional and social media, uncertain corporate stability as companies struggle to remain relevant and viable in the new market; all create less stability than ever before. So I decided to try and see what it takes to build something that would generate an income and that I could be fully invested in the stability of.

The reality check is that contrary to the thousands of business coaches, strategists, experts, and gurus; there is no color by numbers, follow the steps formula for success. Yes, there are certain business guidelines/laws most businesses must follow in order to be structured for success. But, plenty of correctly built/structured businesses have failed, because of the variables- lack of market interest, market saturation, timing, lack of resonance, lack of funding, lack of resource, lack of moxie….lack of something.

Circle back to me and I am going to keep it 100…I am failing forward. I owe more money than I have ever owed in my life, my business is in the red (you want it to be in the black), I honestly have no idea what the hell I am doing, I am suffering from information overload (a webinar a day habit), at 33 I live with my mother, I am stressed, suicidal, overwhelmed, broke, mentally unstable and emotionally exhausted. As you read this I am vacillating between meds as my doctors try to help me normalize my life and I am no one’s success story.

By all accounts, I am a cautionary tale to keep your ass in that safe and consistently paying corporate JOB. Which brings me to my point, this shit is HARD. But entrepreneurship is not a job, it is a daily choice to face down obstacles, rejection, disappointment, failure and more and keep pushing anyway.

It is understanding and committing to a litany of failures and very few, very sporadic “successes”, that validate that you truly have ownership of your destiny. It is not for everyone, heck at this point I recommend it for no one. Yet I have never been so sure, that right now, this chaos is what I am supposed to be doing. I haven’t given myself a cut off date for when I will go back to responsibly adulting, maybe if the stars align I will never have to. I have no idea if this reckless and very expensive leap of faith is contributing to my lack of wellness, or is simply a symptom of my illness. All I know is that it is keeping me alive because every day I wake up curious to see how many obstacles I will overcome, how much more creative, resilient and indomitable I can become. Every day I own my life, and that is a choice that I will choose every single time

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  • Been quiet for a minute and I will probably be quiet for several more. I am busy building the table that I want to feast from till I retire. I promise when I come back, it will be worth the wait.
  • We often see other people's success and feel that our own lives are lacking. Most folks do not take into consideration the time, energy, sacrifice and hard work required to achieve the glamour and glory that the public end up seeing.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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In the age of social media filters, fake news and "reality" tv, instant success is the lie sold to many. The reality is that when one focuses their time and energy on what matters most to them, there will be growth, progression and success.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#inspiration #makeithappen #illgrammers #femalefounders #empoweredwomen #girlboss #brandingbabe #shehustles #entreprenuership #beyourownboss #womeninbiz #womensupportingwomen #digitalmarketing #bossbabes #risingtidesociety #prettyandprofesh #career #richchicksociety #calledtocreate #browngirlbloggers #savvybusinessowner #thebrandedlife #createcultivate #blkcreatives #femaleentreprenuer #girlpower #blackgirlmagic #brandstrategy #goaldigger #ladyboss
  • I have struggled with my weight and health for the last several years and I am now at a point where I just want to be consistently healthy and happy. So I signed up for a gym membership (which I commit to using), and now I just need to develop a better relationship with food.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Which is why I will be testing out the OMAD lifestyle for the next while to see if it is the right path for myself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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How do you stay healthy? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#girlswholift #girlswithmuscles #fitness #wellthy #legsfordays #weightloss #healthyliving #librafit #cleaneating #selflove #consistency #toronto #thunderthighnation #cardio #progress #squatsnoshots #lifechanges #fitness #sweatequity #fitspo #meditation #fitgram #plantbasedathlete #bikinibody #betternaked #transformation #fatloss #intermittenfasting #fitthick
  • Having to reprogram how I see challenges, hinderances and failure has been one of the greatest lessons I am learning this year.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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It isn't easy to get knocked on you a#* and see that as an opportunity, but in order to move forward I have learned that is necessary to acknowledge even the more painful aspects of the journey as part of the journey.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#namaste #life #lavienoire #create #businesswoman #bossbabes #truth #illgrammers #saltlife #makeitcount #lifestyleblogger #beauty #style #brandstrategist #prettyandprofesh #risingtidesociety #therapy #selflove #investment #luxurytravel #finances #wanderlust #fitness #vegetarian #glowgetter #createcultivate #growth #instadaily #happiness #inspiration
  • Had to take a break to make sure that I was Oh K. Confidence has been pretty low and I had to dig deep to find the push.

Grateful for a recent mini crisis that helped me remember what I am capable of.

Are you Oh K? :
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#namaste #life #lavienoire #create #businesswoman #bossbabes #nyc #illgrammers #wellness #makeitcount #lifestyleblogger #toronto #style #brandstrategist #prettyandprofesh #blackgirlmagic #mentalhealth #selflove #investment #luxurytravel #finances #wanderlust #fitness #vegetarian #glowgetter #createcultivate #networking #instadaily #miami #inspiration
  • One thing that has always been a struggle for me is patience and perfectionism. The desire to do great things yesterday.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Life is teaching me to enjoy the journey.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#inspiration #makeithappen #illgrammers #femalefounders #empoweredwomen #girlboss #brandingbabe #shehustles #entreprenuership #beyourownboss #womeninbiz #womensupportingwomen #digitalmarketing #bossbabes #risingtidesociety #prettyandprofesh #career #richchicksociety #calledtocreate #browngirlbloggers #savvybusinessowner #thebrandedlife⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#createcultivate #blkcreatives #femaleentreprenuer #girlpower #blackgirlmagic #brandstrategy #goaldigger #ladyboss
  • I have had my eye on a cruiser since last year. I made it a point to invest in one this year, because I have plans to enjoy Toronto's waterfront and parks this year. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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My therapist and doctor recommend me getting outdoors more, so I figure why not take up biking. Was originally going to purchase instore until I came across some great finds on @kijijicanada. Now I have a new baby, all that is left is a serious lock and plenty of adventures.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Could anyone in the GTA recommend some great bike trails in the city to explore?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#namaste #life #lavienoire #create #businesswoman #bossbabes #truth #illgrammers #saltlife #makeitcount #lifestyleblogger #beauty #style #brandstrategist #prettyandprofesh #risingtidesociety #therapy #selflove #investment #luxurytravel #finances #wanderlust #fitness #vegetarian #glowgetter #createcultivate #growth #instadaily #happiness #inspiration
  • Patiently waiting on Spring to properly arrive so that I can get back to hiking outdoors every morning, but in the meantime, I am focused on consistently being in the gym and getting stronger.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I made a choice to eliminate measurements like weight, progress pics, dress sizes and inches because I risk becoming obsessive and falling back into unhealthy binge-starve eating cycles. The desperation to lose a certain number of inches/pounds by a certain date in order to fit a certain aesthetic has had me hospitalized twice. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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These days, the only thing I acknowledge is the number of days I am active and the increased weights in the gym.  Everyday that I invest in my health is a victory and a gift of self love as well as self care to myself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Those are stats worth keeping track of.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#girlswholift #girlswithmuscles #fitness #wellthy #legsfordays #weightloss #healthyliving #librafit #cleaneating #selflove #consistency #toronto #thunderthighnation #cardio #progress #squatsnoshots #lifechanges #fitness #sweatequity #fitspo #meditation #fitgram #plantbasedathlete #bikinibody #betternaked #transformation #fatloss #intermittenfasting #fitthick